nearing that two year itch..

i have not been blogging about work here. you know, i used to blog alot more about work when i was at fmkt. real names and all. and i used to whine and complain and bitch about it..now i dont do such things online..tsk tsk..eventhough i soo soo miss my itsanismn days when i felt more 'free' to blog. i miss the girl with the sun in her hair..

now, i dont feel comfortable blogging about work here, even the good things, for many reasons.

i had blogged about my decision to do a switch to what i am doing now. i cant remember what i blogged then..but let's just say at 25 i had that thing called quarter life crisis, got disillusioned and wanted to do something more meaningful.

so now i am almost 2 years into this new job . and you know 2 years is the time when you get what i call the 2 year itch (that's about how long i stayed at the last job before i call it quits), coz its the time when you have sort of learnt the ropes, the social structure, politics and all..and you start to wonder whether you are in it for good...

i had a moment of reflection the other day. i felt something that i didnt get to feel when i was at my previous job. maybe i abit perasan or delusional..but i felt powerful.

is that a good excuse to like the job? ..hahahah..i was 'powerful' or rather somewhat instrumental in 'free-ing or moving' markets previously. but that was like a stupid perverse kind of power.


i like it better now.

well, of coz the job is not a perfect 10. it gets dreary sometimes. i have whined.. and silly agendas crop up which distract us..but to risk sounding like one of the taglines for our corporate ads, i think i really found some meaning here...

like in the past few days, i had looked into some people's eyes..and i see clearly sadness..and from it i see my place in this scheme of things.

plus i always think i am somewhat luckier being here because here it isnt really quite the struggle, because they, well most of them, understand what they need to do, and we understand that need.

so yeah, sometimes i do complain about the job..but who doenst? no place is an utopia but one must work out one's tolerance ratio to a job. detachment-attachment.

take the job as just a job so that you wont get burnt out or dellusioned..but the same time, for me at least, i need to have my heart in it. and the ones i work with are the ones that give me a whole lot of heart. they can be the sweetest people i have ever met and they can be the ones who make you feel sad (on how unfair the world seems)

so yeah, i have sucky working hours, the job is not as glam as what i had, the pay wont make me super rich. but for another one year or perhaps two..i can still see myself doing this.

..well..uhmmm maybe until the day it gets to the point i have to spew it out like i did in itsanismn. when it gets to the point where i just can have a heartattack and collapse....


but nah, we have done our share of fire-fightings..and what i have right now isn't a bad deal...