fear and longing

it was self-admonishing time yesterday in the car as i was a bit upset with myself over something.

"you know i used to be quite KS. i would study and start my preparations very well in advanced"

"when was that?"

"in secondary school"

"that is differentlah..but i thought all up to uni, you were."

"hmm...well maybe i was up till then.i should be more disciplined now. how come i have changed?" *looking at the other person*

"why you look at me that way.?"

"hahahah nothing"

"last time you used to have fear."

"what fear?"

"that you may not get to where you want to go."

"now?errr.. i am already there is it? i dont have fear isit?"

"no lah..now you dont have fear. you have longing.

"what's the difference? what longing?"

"longing......is different"

"so what do i long for now?"

" you ? you long to be a tai-tai."


"hahahahahhah..that's true that's true.."